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Monthly Archives: December 2009

What a wicked wicked week of bad spells and uptight rushes of ill luck, i’ve been interested in codeine extraction for a couple of months trying various means of dissolving it from mostly paracetemol or asprin. Its a strange buzz that keeps you awake and sleep walking bestif you can’t get anything better, totally functional but left. Tourniquets are my Daphne in spite and calamity, three times my teeth have fallen ou tand twice i remedied the situation, alas today the little bugger is nowhere to find and i am rushin around like a pike, listening to loud music, no internet connection, shooting on upwards and forgetting the point and the film erupted in my head about an hour ago, i got the link i needed like a 1960’s tableau, frame, the girl in the car the girl that wants to be a star

my right arm is fuckin killing me, absent and lame yet still the inner gets hardened and harder to break, pointing weapons of mass destruction at my body like some extremist,i’m a soldier packin

what worse after coming out of a hospice shop 900 rands poorer without spending a cent, the philospophical approach is that someone needed it more than me, what bull, i need my passage and i need it funded. The shoot secret is about to come out and i’m stuck with a pink mixture in the fridge,no more weed, a looming music column, lost pearlies,no connection to the outside world, a stolen diary, 5 less friends on the run and sick need to commisserate. Come my friends and countrymen lets dance the last dance of the night, creep from the dawn and make pretend everythings all right

there is snothing i fear more than water especially water under the bridge, it comes from a place where old animosities and senses that wrong from right curdle and grow with incessant force in order to pacify those whose extreme moments are seen as extraction and jolly nevermind the small detail that we are in the grip of a war. I choose sides as i choose my drinks and visitors from afar eithe exhalt or humiliate me into a fever i know no respite from cept for angry moods, irritational opposition and the small malady of sitting with whiskeyed tea praising the mediocre. Give me something or someone in this world who can ally themselves with me completely. Religeon, profit profiteering politics my left hand have all become hindrances where they should be leftists. For gods fuckin sake, we no longer think. Have you my readers ever felt that you are alone in your thoughts for me i am screaming. And those classics i love and those writers and retainers and those years that pour from the pages when you read the foreword or biographies only make sense when you;re living it and it s not fun and its not only the longely and its not comforting but a reminder that njo matter the generation we are aligned and maybe someday somewhere we will be abject from these defintions divided thankfully and ultimately fuck it i don’t know what to say anymore. I m disgusted and i;m rewarded by all this is ours right now. Who the fuck knows what were on about. This civilisation is dead and gladly i or we to gallows go.  Enough enough, my fucked right hand and my fucked left  brain walks gladly an dsadly into this night

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look how misty its got

Been long and starched hasn’t it
Riding solo, stuck with a right claw hand unable to flick a cigarette, cut a tomato or start the ignition, but you never ask questions when gods on your side do ya? I’ve been thinking i’ve been feeling that i’ve lost empathy, two baby pigeons kamikazied onto our back yard with black betty and charlie hanging around and i let them die – a deer got his horns stuck in the fence but i couldn’t give a fuck, i sat and listened to its squeals and fear and quietly alone with a cigarette and a quartz enjoyed the struggle and i’ve been scared scared scared that i’m losing my soul and slipping slipping into a vast space i cant decipher can’t yet yeti the path but i need to have to want to go,  with all my suspicions . conscience, curiosity lax and love and smidgeonof being stillyoung too to do just to do it cause the light and the laughter and the reflection is too good to miss out on, more weed and a bottle of beer a sub and a an em[pty packet on the floor to ignite dont burn the carpet or the duvet, or the sheets or the towels or the fuck, theres blood all over the place, rogue thoughts check mated and are on contemplation happy

i am now unfortunately, quietly living with the decision or choice, though rather a sick one, that i can either regain feeling of my right.write hand or carry on carrying on. I can write againm,] ty;pe yeah again, start ignitions again or do that again, its your alternativethe doctor said, i know which direction i’d take. And i wished away on sunday and it was great and the world softened and then well god fuck it my toothbrush tumbled down down

i just realise so many things in seconds then push them all away, get them down do it on the down low, the things i love and the things i must begin to loath or lose my other, hes coming with fire and brimstone and i just wish i coul dquench it could be an interesting 2010. . I think this is the year that will wish away beneath the sunny skies. The winds that have blown trees over onto my path have left me today, crumbled, singed, shining with sweat – have thought better have enjoyed a lonely night of deep sleep helped by the leaves from the boys next door, v and c and dreaming of dealers, rocks stars and sweet kisses..cell phone off dont disturb i’m thinking

deeply
So much to do and not one drip of effort, no feeling in legs, hair curled and the mirror image is of a dead man and the swallow.
God why has it become so difficult to write what i hear in my head, why are the thoughts hanging on the edge, fixing the nerves to the veins of boredom, oh yeah, of course, that, rubbish my son rubbish
and it will be ok they say, ok to drift, ok to wallow but only for a while. I went out with claire from kent and she told me so, she told me to wait, don’t two step yourself

everything i talk about think about is that, everything i want to write about, do about, live about is that
shut u[p you clawed all i want for xmas is my one front tooth drunken spawn
[nescit vox missareverti {that a word once uttered is irrevocable)
i take it all back